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The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Honor
Laden
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Terrorist
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More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.
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I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
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At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
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In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
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I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.
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You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
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Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
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People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
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There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.
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Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.
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Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
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There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
Gilbert Gottfried