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In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Tall
Christian
Real
Life
Blond
More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried
Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
Gilbert Gottfried
R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
Gilbert Gottfried
If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
Gilbert Gottfried
Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
Gilbert Gottfried
I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.
Gilbert Gottfried
There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
Gilbert Gottfried
The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.
Gilbert Gottfried
You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
Gilbert Gottfried
You can say ass, but you can't say asshole. That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an ass. Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.
Gilbert Gottfried
I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
Gilbert Gottfried
Nothing can help my comedy.
Gilbert Gottfried
I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
Gilbert Gottfried
I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.
Gilbert Gottfried
I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?
Gilbert Gottfried
Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
Gilbert Gottfried
No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
Gilbert Gottfried
I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
Gilbert Gottfried
A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'
Gilbert Gottfried
If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
Gilbert Gottfried
The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
Gilbert Gottfried