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In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Blond
Tall
Christian
Real
Life

More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
Gilbert Gottfried
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A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'
Gilbert Gottfried
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I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'
Gilbert Gottfried
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Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like its crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like its laughing. Nowadays, we would say, How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were blasting 'Shakedown,' a song from the movie. That felt like a show biz moment to me.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
Gilbert Gottfried
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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
Gilbert Gottfried
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'
Gilbert Gottfried
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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
Gilbert Gottfried
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The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.
Gilbert Gottfried
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.
Gilbert Gottfried
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You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
Gilbert Gottfried