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Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Comedian
Clubs
Amuse
Nobody
Imitate
Another
Jerry
Around
Comics
Back
Hanging
Would
Owners
Club

More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.
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Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.
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I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
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Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
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There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.
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At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.
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I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.
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I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?
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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
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I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'
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There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
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People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.
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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
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R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
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