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I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Hannah
Eventually
Parts
Gonna
Take

More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
Gilbert Gottfried
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There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
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I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
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I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Nothing can help my comedy.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
Gilbert Gottfried
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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
Gilbert Gottfried
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You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
Gilbert Gottfried
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You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
Gilbert Gottfried
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
Gilbert Gottfried
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In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
Gilbert Gottfried
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One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.
Gilbert Gottfried
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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.
Gilbert Gottfried