Quote

You can say ass, but you can't say asshole. That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an ass. Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Character
Calling
Work
Rules
Really
Unless
Scumbag
Always
Television
Refers
Show
Cringe
Doesn
Asshole
Shows
Ass
Someone
British

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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
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I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
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I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.
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Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
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Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
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I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.
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I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
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You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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