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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Explaining
Jokes
Funny
Used
People

More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.
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Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
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Nothing can help my comedy.
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You can say ass, but you can't say asshole. That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an ass. Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.
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The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
Gilbert Gottfried
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
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Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'
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If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting actor, you can just work forever.
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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
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You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
Gilbert Gottfried
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People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.
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There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
Gilbert Gottfried
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
Gilbert Gottfried