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You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Accept
Accepting
Theory
Hell

More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.
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In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
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I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
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Nothing can help my comedy.
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People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.
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There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
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At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.
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A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'
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If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting actor, you can just work forever.
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
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You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
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I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.
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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
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R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
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