Quote

A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
People
Walks
Apartment
Says
Showing
Answers
Minute
Waiting
Wait
Doesn
Husband
Landlord
Around
Couple
Upstairs
Looks
Walk
Ceiling
Much
Minutes
Ceilings

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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
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I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
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I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.
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In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
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There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!
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I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.
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If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting actor, you can just work forever.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
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I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like its crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like its laughing. Nowadays, we would say, How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
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I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.
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You can say ass, but you can't say asshole. That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an ass. Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.
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I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.
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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
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