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There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!
Gilbert Gottfried
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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Certain
Things
Insensitive
Think
Joke
Thinking
Totally
Jokes
Fine
Somebody
Else
More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried
I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
Gilbert Gottfried
If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
Gilbert Gottfried
If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
Gilbert Gottfried
Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
Gilbert Gottfried
Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.
Gilbert Gottfried
There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.
Gilbert Gottfried
You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
Gilbert Gottfried
No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
Gilbert Gottfried
The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
Gilbert Gottfried
Nothing can help my comedy.
Gilbert Gottfried
R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
Gilbert Gottfried
I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
Gilbert Gottfried
I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.
Gilbert Gottfried
Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
Gilbert Gottfried
I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'
Gilbert Gottfried
Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
Gilbert Gottfried
I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
Gilbert Gottfried
I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
Gilbert Gottfried
Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
Gilbert Gottfried
I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
Gilbert Gottfried
