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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Whatsoever
Comedian
Pressure
Funny
Given

More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'
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There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
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I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
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The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.
Gilbert Gottfried
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In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
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R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
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People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
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A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like its crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like its laughing. Nowadays, we would say, How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.
Gilbert Gottfried