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I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Super
Team
Winning
Two
Predict
Bowl
Bowls
Teams

More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
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I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
Gilbert Gottfried
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like its crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like its laughing. Nowadays, we would say, How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.
Gilbert Gottfried
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You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
Gilbert Gottfried
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You can say ass, but you can't say asshole. That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an ass. Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
Gilbert Gottfried
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The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Nothing can help my comedy.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.
Gilbert Gottfried
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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.
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I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.
Gilbert Gottfried