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I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Bowl
Bowls
Teams
Super
Team
Winning
Two
Predict

More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
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Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'
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R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
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People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.
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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
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In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
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I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
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Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
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Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.
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I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.
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I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.
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A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
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You can say ass, but you can't say asshole. That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an ass. Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.
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Nothing can help my comedy.
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I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'
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