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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Wants
Less
Someone
Find
Even
Platonic
Much
Dating
Kind
Naked
Relationship
More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried
No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
Gilbert Gottfried
I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
Gilbert Gottfried
If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
Gilbert Gottfried
Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
Gilbert Gottfried
I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.
Gilbert Gottfried
You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
Gilbert Gottfried
There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!
Gilbert Gottfried
I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
Gilbert Gottfried
The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
Gilbert Gottfried
I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?
Gilbert Gottfried
I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
Gilbert Gottfried
Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
Gilbert Gottfried
There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
Gilbert Gottfried
You can say ass, but you can't say asshole. That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an ass. Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.
Gilbert Gottfried
One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.
Gilbert Gottfried
I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.
Gilbert Gottfried
Nothing can help my comedy.
Gilbert Gottfried
Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.
Gilbert Gottfried
I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
Gilbert Gottfried
If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
Gilbert Gottfried
