At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

God finally caught his eye.

Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

I like terra firma the more firma, the less terra.

You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!

I've never had any complaints yet!

You've heard of people living in a fool's paradise? Well, Leonora has a duplex there.

Lawyers-they get together all day and say to each other, What can we postpone next? The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their bill, which arrives regularly. You've heard about the man who got the bill from his lawyer which said, For crossing the street to speak to you and discovering it was not you, twelve dollars.