At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.

I like terra firma the more firma, the less terra.

Lawyers-they get together all day and say to each other, What can we postpone next? The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their bill, which arrives regularly. You've heard about the man who got the bill from his lawyer which said, For crossing the street to speak to you and discovering it was not you, twelve dollars.

You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!

You've heard of people living in a fool's paradise? Well, Leonora has a duplex there.

I've never had any complaints yet!

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

God finally caught his eye.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.