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English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists.

George Mikes

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George Mikes
Age: 75 †
Born: 1912
Born: February 15
Died: 1987
Died: August 30
Author
Biographer
Journalist
Writer
Siklos
Famous
Exists
English
Loch
Neither
Ness
Humor
Resembles
Strong
Monster
Suspicion
Monsters

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The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work.
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THE British are brave people. They can face anything, except reality.
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On the Continent people have good food in England people have good table manners.
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To be extravagant you need money. True. But you do not need your own money.
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Bad English was the second language of Israel and bad Hebrew, of course, remained the national language.
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To have created a Welfare State was a great achievement but we must go on to create a Welfare Planet.
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A great deal of the pupils time was spent going through, once again, the History of the Communist (Bolshevik) Party of the Soviet Union. He had learnt it at elementary school at secondary school at his sports club at the Komsomol at the university at a folk dancing course at the chess-club.
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Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d) shoot, (e) poison, and, generally speaking, (f) how to grow up into a Wild West outlaw or gangster by the time you leave school.
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Was he joking? Was he being sarcastic? Aggressive? Impertinent? Or just courteous? There was no telling from his impassive face. What a country, he thought despairingly. In Russia you always knew. If a man made a stern face he was threatening if he was laughing uproariously, he was joking.
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It is great fun dying in the United States of America. It is great fun first of all for the undertakers who make a wonderful living out of it but also for the deceased who suddenly becomes the centre of attention and fuss.
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The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.
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The man who is not afraid of danger is not a hero, but a psychopath.
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Continental people have a sex life the English have hot-water bottles.
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Once you start buying first aid kits you start having accidents.
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In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them.
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People on the Continent either tell you the truth or lie in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth.
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Humility is one of the most repulsive virtues, nearly always false.
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Australians are decent people with the right instincts and they wish everybody well but if all is not well, it is none of their business and they will not lose too much sleep over it. The shrug of the shoulders has become - only temporarily, I daresay - the national gesture of Australia.
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Many Continentals think life is a game the English think cricket is a game.
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In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state.
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