As a composer I could never find use for over 4 or 5 notes in any musical number, and as a playwright most of my plays have two acts because i couldn't think of an idea for the third act.

Ev'ry heart beats true 'neath the Red, White and Blue

You're a grand old flag! You're a high-flying flag, And forever in peace may you wave. You're the emblem of the land I love, The home of the free and the brave. Ev'ry heart beats true 'Neath the Red, White and Blue,' Where there's never a boast or brag. But should auld acquaintance be forgot, Keep your eye on the grand old flag.

Don't tell 'em - SHOW 'em!

I can write better plays than any living danced, and dance better than any living playwright.

Ladies and gentlemen, my mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you!

Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all.

Whatever you do kid, always serve it with a little dressing.

I don't care what you say about me, as long as you say something about me, and as long as you spell my name right.