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At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.

George Lopez

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George Lopez
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: April 23
Comedian
Film Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
LA
California
George López
Mom
Deal
Cons
Humor
Abusers
Deals
Exes
Talking
Factory
Funny
Factories
Sexual
Substance

More quotes by George Lopez

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We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt!
George Lopez
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Everything we play when we are growing up, is team related. In this game (of golf) you can find all the answers yourself. You don't need to throw the ball in the air and play catch with yourself. You get a bucket of balls and go out there with your clubs, and you hit and learn and you get better. And there's no top.
George Lopez
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It's good to see people not smoking. You get dressed up, and you smoke, and it gets in your clothes. You go, 'What should I wear tonight?' 'I don't know, honey, how about something menthol?'
George Lopez
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Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!
George Lopez
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Sarah Palin is Latina. Pay-leen. She has an infant and a grandkid the same age. Latina!
George Lopez
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I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely.
George Lopez
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I think we all feel the same things most of the time, we just don't know how to put it into words. When I'm on stage, I say it. The truth makes people laugh.
George Lopez
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As Latinos, you want [people] to come to America - not necessarily Latinos, but [anyone who wants] to come here for a better life. That's kind of how this country was founded and the history of this country.
George Lopez
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I'd love to have Michael Jackson [in my show] because he's black and white. So he would appeal to a universal demographic.
George Lopez
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When things are bad, it's the best time to reinvent yourself.
George Lopez
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So I started to relax and would work on my act eight hours a day, sitting at a desk writing at my grandmother's house, and I would put on Richard Pryor Live on Long Beach and would play it like a loop and think and write
George Lopez
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Marijuana brownies are amazing. Very simple to make, too. Just get some Duncan Hines brownie mix and cook the weed right in there. Drop it right in with the butter. I don't know who came up with this idea first, but it's sheer genius.
George Lopez
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80% of the women who were asked if they fake orgasms said yes. Actually, they said Yes! Oh God, Yes!
George Lopez
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Shows should just be able to be shows without hyphenating their lead characters.
George Lopez
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When I first heard about Beverly Hills Chihuahua, I thought, no. This, this is ridiculous. And then you read the script and you close the script and you go, They aren't going to be able to do that with real dogs. How are they going to do that? You're going to see the strings. But they did.
George Lopez
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Laughter survives... it has to survive.
George Lopez
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Life is great and golf has been one of the great parts of it for me.
George Lopez
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I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.
George Lopez
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Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!
George Lopez
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Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.
George Lopez