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Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.

George Lopez

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George Lopez
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: April 23
Comedian
Film Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
LA
California
George López
Dodge
Ready
Funny
Max
Bullet
Bullets
George
Period
Periods
Humor

More quotes by George Lopez

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If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.
George Lopez
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It's not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it's just a great time to be able to pull all that together.
George Lopez
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So I started to relax and would work on my act eight hours a day, sitting at a desk writing at my grandmother's house, and I would put on Richard Pryor Live on Long Beach and would play it like a loop and think and write
George Lopez
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Marijuana brownies are amazing. Very simple to make, too. Just get some Duncan Hines brownie mix and cook the weed right in there. Drop it right in with the butter. I don't know who came up with this idea first, but it's sheer genius.
George Lopez
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No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!
George Lopez
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I've gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine.
George Lopez
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At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.
George Lopez
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Life is moments going by, but if you don't grab them, they're gone. For a long time, the only moments that were available were bad ones. So now I make sure to grab the good ones.
George Lopez
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Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.
George Lopez
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Look, I made a commitment to corn 17 years ago. Sure, I'm a man. I like to go to a barbecue and see beans that I like: baked beans, red beans, black beans, big plump garbanzos. But in the end, I always come home to my sweet, sweet corn.
George Lopez
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I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.
George Lopez
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Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!
George Lopez
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As Latinos, you want [people] to come to America - not necessarily Latinos, but [anyone who wants] to come here for a better life. That's kind of how this country was founded and the history of this country.
George Lopez
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I got a pain in my chest, and I can't breathe
George Lopez
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When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said 'You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!'
George Lopez
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The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'
George Lopez
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Life is great and golf has been one of the great parts of it for me.
George Lopez
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When I first heard about Beverly Hills Chihuahua, I thought, no. This, this is ridiculous. And then you read the script and you close the script and you go, They aren't going to be able to do that with real dogs. How are they going to do that? You're going to see the strings. But they did.
George Lopez
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When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours!
George Lopez
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It was June 4, 1979, the first time I went on stage. I didn't know I could do it but I knew I couldn't not do it. I quit everything in my life and this was the one thing I couldn't quit.
George Lopez