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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Power
Harder
Position
More quotes by George Carlin
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
George Carlin
