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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Harder
Position
Funny
Power

More quotes by George Carlin

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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin