Quote

One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Giving
Rightly
Something
Ownership
Like
Philosopher
Property
Future
Use
Give
Back
Theft

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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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