Quote

The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Freedom
Disorderly
Dividend
Dividends
Compulsion
Totally

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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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