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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Disorderly
Dividend
Dividends
Compulsion
Totally
Freedom

More quotes by George Carlin

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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
George Carlin
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
George Carlin