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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dividend
Dividends
Compulsion
Totally
Freedom
Disorderly

More quotes by George Carlin

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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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No comment is a comment.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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