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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Alive
Child
Steal
Children
Thrill
Something
Plain
Think
Stealing
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Keeps
People
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More quotes by George Carlin
Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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Your home is your refuge.
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The status quo sucks.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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