Quote

Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
First
Court
Air
Fans
Story
Force
Another
Stories
Dodgers
Firsts
Martial

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
George Carlin
Image
More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
Image
That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George Carlin
Image
Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
George Carlin
Image
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
Image
One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
George Carlin
Image
I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
George Carlin
Image
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
Image
I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
George Carlin
Image
Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
George Carlin
Image
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
Image
Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
George Carlin
Image
In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
George Carlin
Image
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
Image
Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
Image
The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
George Carlin
Image
Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
Image
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
George Carlin
Image
One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
George Carlin
Image
Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
George Carlin