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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Force
Another
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Dodgers
Firsts
Martial
First
Court
Air
More quotes by George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
George Carlin
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
George Carlin
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
George Carlin
The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
George Carlin
We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
George Carlin
More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
George Carlin
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
George Carlin
There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
George Carlin
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
George Carlin
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin
