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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
First
Court
Air
Fans
Story
Force
Another
Stories
Dodgers
Firsts
Martial
More quotes by George Carlin
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
George Carlin
I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
George Carlin
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
George Carlin
I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
George Carlin
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
George Carlin
Surround yourself with what you love.
George Carlin
Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
George Carlin
It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
George Carlin
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
George Carlin
And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
George Carlin
When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
George Carlin
You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin
Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
George Carlin
