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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Moments
Policemen
Firsts
Practically
First
Neighborhood
People
Teachers
Began
Teacher
Impersonations
Talking
Storekeeper
Moment
Mimic
More quotes by George Carlin
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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