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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Always
Think
Thinking
People
Clap
Crabs
Sex
Instead

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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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