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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Think
Thinking
People
Clap
Crabs
Sex
Instead
Always
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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