Quote

Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Clap
Crabs
Sex
Instead
Always
Think
Thinking
People

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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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