Quote

Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Think
Thinking
People
Clap
Crabs
Sex
Instead
Always

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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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