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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Crabs
Sex
Instead
Always
Think
Thinking
People
Clap

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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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