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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Clap
Crabs
Sex
Instead
Always
Think
Thinking

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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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