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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Money
Nose
Thought
Noses
Ever
Bill
Bills
Stuck
Dollars
Terms
Coke
Term
Dollar
More quotes by George Carlin
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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