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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Terms
Coke
Term
Dollar
Money
Nose
Thought
Noses
Ever
Bill
Bills
Stuck
Dollars
More quotes by George Carlin
No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
George Carlin
