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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bills
Stuck
Dollars
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Coke
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Dollar
Nose
Money
Noses
Thought
Bill
Ever
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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