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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Stuck
Dollars
Terms
Coke
Term
Dollar
Money
Nose
Thought
Noses
Ever
Bill
Bills
More quotes by George Carlin
We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
George Carlin
