Quote

The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Made
Speech
Cleaned
Thinking
Completely
Clown
Months
Sober
Hell
Album
Hear
Clarity
Class
Albums
Three
Realized
Done
Totally

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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Life is not that complicated.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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