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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Special
Shows
Nothing
Real
Tapes
Cocaine
Tape
Content
Listen

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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
George Carlin
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Language always gives you away.
George Carlin
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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