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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Content
Listen
Special
Shows
Nothing
Real
Tapes
Cocaine
Tape

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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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