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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Special
Shows
Nothing
Real
Tapes
Cocaine
Tape
Content
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More quotes by George Carlin
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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