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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Addicted
Aspects
Obviously
Aspect
Use
Stealth
Cocaine

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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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