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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Speed
Bolt
Cutting
Bolts
Sort
Loaded
Often
Insanity
House
Freak
Sometimes
Sheer
Every
Nuts
Really
Floor
More quotes by George Carlin
In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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