Quote

Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sometimes
Sheer
Every
Nuts
Really
Floor
Speed
Bolt
Cutting
Bolts
Sort
Loaded
Often
Insanity
House
Freak

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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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