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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
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Film Actor
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Humorist
Journalist
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Often
Insanity
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Freak
Sometimes
Sheer
Every
Nuts
Really
Floor
Speed
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Cutting
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Loaded
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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