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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
May
Able
Pot
Way
Windows
Opens
Window
Doors
Hand
Hands
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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No comment is a comment.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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Life is a zero sum game.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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Your home is your refuge.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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