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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Able
Pot
Way
Windows
Opens
Window
Doors
Hand
Hands
May

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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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No comment is a comment.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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