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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Grass
Especially
Probably
Hurt
Much
Performer
Performers
Helped
More quotes by George Carlin
Life is not that complicated.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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