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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Probably
Hurt
Much
Performer
Performers
Helped
Grass
Especially

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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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Hooray for most things!
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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