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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Ritual
Decided
Worth
Wasn
Simply
Dope
More quotes by George Carlin
Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
I believe you can joke about anything.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
George Carlin
