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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Simply
Dope
Ritual
Decided
Worth
Wasn
More quotes by George Carlin
Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
George Carlin
No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
George Carlin
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
George Carlin
The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
Does killing time damage eternity?
George Carlin
Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
George Carlin
What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
George Carlin
Language always gives you away.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
George Carlin
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
George Carlin
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
